All In My Head (First Tracks Book 1) Read online

  STOP! Marcus, we have to do this.

  I can’t handle him touching you.

  Please stop. You owe me. You have to let me have one normal happy weekend. Please.

  “Avery?”

  I jerked around.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I had a tickle in my throat.”

  He glanced down at our hands before concentrating on the road again. I had a death grip on his hand. Holy crap. I tried to relax and get the heat out of my face.

  “I sent off that story I told you about,” Nash said, tapping the steering wheel with his fingers. I had to keep my eyes on the road because the route to the coast is curvy.

  “The alien frog idea or male aliens coming to earth?” I asked. He liked to write sci fi, fantasy and some dark, weird stuff. You’d expect that looking at him, I think.

  Marcus did his typical snort, then quickly apologized.

  Sorry, sometimes I forget you can hear me thinking.

  “The one with an all male race of aliens coming here. I called it Intergalatical Dating Dilemma.”

  “Oh, cool, the aliens came here but their race only has men, right?”

  “Yeah, their women all died. So there’s a third world war breaking out here when they arrive…” He got worked up talking about it.

  Marcus tried to be quiet for a change but still made a few comments.

  I had to tell him, the whole men-only aliens had been my idea.

  And Nash ran with it? You don’t mind?

  I wouldn’t have written it anyway. So I don’t think I care too much. And I have to admire him for getting stories written and out the door.

  Nash glanced over and said, “Have you gotten back to working on your screenplay?”

  I hadn’t done much of anything since Marcus popped into my head. “I think I need a stronger idea.”

  “What’s the purpose of the story?” he asked.

  That was it. I wasn’t sure. I tried explaining and realized I sounded lost. “I want to write something meaningful, something that shows people it’s okay.”

  Nash glanced over again but didn’t say anything.

  That’s really cool, Ave.

  Nash still didn’t answer so I asked, “Is that stupid?”

  “No, not at all.”

  But maybe it had sounded like I was putting his science fiction down. “I think I’m more of a realistic writer, drama instead of fantasy.”

  “That works. People need it.”

  A few minutes passed with us just watching the maple trees fly by. They’d leafed out recently with soft, baby leaves. I love the freshness of spring. Lush greenery lined the road all around us, from the ferns and moss to small bushes.

  “So, I’ve been wondering…” Nash waited for me to look his way. “You haven’t talked about your family or parents at all, even when I did, and Kristina said something about your parents being gone.”

  Oh boy.

  “Oh? When was that?”

  He lifted a shoulder like it was nothing. “She just said something to Kyle that I overheard. He was asking her something that I didn’t catch.”

  Kyle was asking about me?

  Marcus commented on that while Nash glanced at me twice in a row.

  “They died,” I said, knowing I couldn’t get around it this time.

  So you’re going to tell him?

  “I was in eighth grade and they were killed in a car accident.”

  “I’m so sorry,” Nash said with genuine concern. But somehow I felt he had known that. Had Kristina told Kyle? She didn’t know much about what happened, only that they died and I didn’t like to talk about it. Maybe she googled it and found more details online, if she was that curious.

  “You didn’t have any siblings?” he asked.

  “No, it was just us.” Until it wasn’t anymore. Then it was just me. He was itching to ask more so I added, “I put it behind me, especially when I came to college. It was a chance to start over and not be the poor kid who lost her parents.”

  “Still hurts though,” he said quietly and squeezed my hand.

  I’d wanted to drop the conversation right there, until he said that. He had sounded happy when he talked about his family, so why did he sound like he understood? I normally let people be—don’t push them so they won’t push me—but I couldn’t stop myself this time.

  “Have you lost someone too?” I asked.

  Marcus didn’t like where this conversation was going, and he particularly didn’t like me sharing with Nash.

  “Not family.” He hesitated for a long minute. “I was with someone for two years. Cheyenne.”

  I felt funny hearing that while holding his hand. We rounded another curve and my stomach turned sour. He wasn’t dating anything this year. I was sure of it. So I asked, “Was that a while ago?”

  “Last year. We got together our senior year of high school and came to college together. Things fell apart after Christmas vacation…I think she met someone else.”

  Whoa. That explained why he was paranoid about me, that and my unexplainable behavior.

  “That’s pretty serious,” I said, wishing I had something more poetic to say about it. “Sounds like it was tough to go through.” In a weird way, it didn’t surprise me that he’d had a serious relationship. Nash is intense. If it weren’t for Marcus, we would have jumped into a serious relationship and spent more time together. I had been holding back—for good reasons, but a big reason I couldn’t share with Nash.

  Maybe he wanted me to be jealous.

  I felt guilty for analyzing him like that. It couldn’t be that. He just wanted me to know him better so I could understand him. I wanted to ask more, and he was waiting for that, but I saw a sign for a park coming up.

  “I think I need some fresh air,” I said, pointing. “My stomach doesn’t always like the curves.”

  “Okay, hang on.” Nash pulled into the parking lot fast and parked, making the car lurch.

  I opened my door and paused to say, “Thank you for telling me that.”

  He held my gaze for a few seconds before I got out of the car.

  So tell me again why you shared with him and not me?

  Because I care about him.

  ***

  The brown shingle house was huge, and stood tall and stark right next to the sand, overlooking a smooth beach of salt and pepper sand that stretched out in both directions as far as we could see. Inside, the floors were polished, gleaming cedar that cast yellow, warm light everywhere, and the walls were a creamy hint-of-orange-sherbet sand color.

  Nash and I were the last ones there because we stopped at the park and then for lunch, and Kristina was waiting on us so we could all sit in the hot tub together

  “We almost missed the sunset!” she screamed, racing down to her room to change. The front door had taken us into the second story, with the kitchen, living room, and huge deck outside. The bedrooms were all downstairs. Nash took our bags into our room while I stole another look at the Pacific Ocean. The sun was just now starting to set. It wasn’t that late. But that was Kristina for you.

  It’d been quiet in my head… Marcus hadn’t spoken to me in over four hours. That was hardly any time at all, at least in the context of my other relationships, but it felt like forever when it came to Marcus. I’d hurt him.

  I’m sorry.

  Marcus?

  “I’ll go change,” Nash said behind me.

  “Okay.” I didn’t turn around. The sky changed shades, growing brighter. Marcus hadn’t answered me…funny, wasn’t it? I’d been telling him to take a hike over and over, and now that he finally did, I instantly missed him.

  Marcus? What do you want to hear? That I care about you too? But it’s impossible and frustrating and tearing me apart?

  Something like that. I want to know you feel all of this too.

  I let out my breath, so relieved it almost made me cry. We watched the sunset until Nash walked up behind me. Before I could turn around, he gathered my
hair together and ran his hands down it, one after the other. I closed my eyes, fighting traitorous tears.

  “Ave, Nash, you guys coming?” Dawn’s voice whizzed by as she ran out the door.

  “I’ll just be a sec,” I said to Nash, since Dawn was gone, before going downstairs to my room. I still had tingles on my scalp and down my back from his touch.

  Changing didn’t take long, but I took one look at the single bed and had to have it out with Marcus.

  What am I going to do while you get all hot and heavy with him?

  My breath and heart rate stumbled into a sprint.

  Oh, hell no. You gotta figure something out. You are not getting down and dirty with him. Hear me? Not while I’m in your head!

  “You’re telling me what to do now?” I slammed the door on my way out, for effect, and ran up the stairs.

  So you’re going to sleep with him simply because I told you not to?

  I stopped short of going out the sliding glass door. I shut my eyes in a panic, but just for a second, and then I told Marcus, you don’t know me very well.

  That made him pause.

  Oh… Right. You’re not going to sleep with him until you’re ready. I admire you for that, Ave. And I get why you’re scared of letting someone in.

  Did he?

  It looked windy outside. The sky burned orange and red over the shimmering water. Darker blues played in the ocean, spreading, as night approached. Everyone else had beat me there, and now they waited in the hot tub, silhouetted by all that glorious color. Kyle and Kris were cuddled on one side, Brandon and Dawn on the other, and Nash sat, back to me, on the edge in the middle with his legs in, watching the sunset. It looked like a big hot tub but I wondered if it were big enough for all of… the drama.

  I can do this, remember? I slid the door open and stepped out, getting instant goosebumps in the brisk wind.

  “Ave!” Kristina squealed, holding her beer up high as Kyle squirted her with water. “Get in here so the guys can pick on you instead.”

  “Cold, cold, cold!” I scuttled across the back deck in my big blue towel, then threw it across the handrail with the other towels. I wore the black bikini I’d bought at the end of last season (half off!) and watched Nash appraise me head to toe and back up again, a gleam coming into his eyes. I felt a flush of pleasure at his reaction, but as I stepped into bubbly hot water and slid down to escape the wind, I noticed Kyle checking me out. He was taking a drink of his beer while looking at me sideways.

  “I grabbed one for you,” Nash said, handing me a bottle.

  I thanked him and took a tiny sip before setting it on the edge. I’d never made a big deal about not liking beer.

  “Oh, I meant to grab some wine on the way over too,” Kyle said. “Guess we can later.”

  “Or we can.” Nash wrapped an arm around me and pulled me onto his lap. I leaned back on him, fitting my body to his, wondering how we fit together as a couple. Images and feelings flittered through my head of lying in my bed, kissing Nash. I rested my head against his, looking out at the waves washing up the beach. The hot water relaxed me and heated me back up. It was the first time I could remember watching the beach in March and not being cold from the wind.

  Then I realized I was leaning against Nash’s erection.

  Shit, really? Can the others see?

  Don’t you wish. Actually the jets and my body are hiding it.

  I started to chance a look at Nash but couldn’t bring myself to do it. So high school of me. Sometimes I hated how I didn’t want to venture into… that kind of stuff.

  Just need the right man.

  “Can you believe the view?” Dawn said. “It doesn’t get any better than this. You’re so lucky you grew up here, Ave.”

  “I never get tired of it.” I sighed and settled into Nash.

  I’ve done this before.

  Sat in a hot tub? That wasn’t a very big clue.

  No, sitting here with friends like this.

  Friends? An image took over my mind of Marcus in a hot tub with a girl on his lap. It didn’t feel like his memory, though. Just my jealous reaction.

  Jealous? Who’s sitting on some guy’s lap as we speak? A guy with a boner?

  “Okay,” Kristina broke into my thoughts. “Where do we want to go for dinner?”

  I turned around to join the conversation and caught Kyle watching me in the fading daylight.

  “Somewhere we can all drink,” Dawn said, pushing out her bottom lip in a pout.

  “Ohhh! I forgot we have a few youngins with us.” Kyle flicked a small wave of water toward Dawn. She and I shared a rare look and rolled our eyes. Yeah, we were younger by a year. Granted, there was a pretty big milestone between twenty and twenty-one, but I was a week away.

  When’s your birthday?

  April first. No fooling.

  They were still discussing dinner ideas so I threw in, “There’s always take out.” An idea was forming—maybe if I drank enough, I’d be too wasted to mess around with Nash.

  Or fake it. Please fake it. I felt sick with you last time you drank too much.

  Dawn took a big slug of her beer. “There’s that Chinese place on the way into town.”

  “Sounds like a plan.” Kyle grinned—at me, it seemed.

  Hey Ave? You know you’re thinking like a girl with the whole get drunk thing, right?

  Kyle was talking to me too. I looked right at him and still couldn’t make out what he said over Marcus. The sun had slipped away, and sky was almost black now so I could hardly see his face.

  “Oh, leave her alone!” Kristina slapped his arm. He pushed her back playfully, but hard enough that she slid over and landed halfway on me. I squealed, splashing back at both of them. Brandon got in the water fight.

  Kris and I started whapping our hands in front of us, cat fight style, laughing our heads off. We both lurched around, trying to get a better aim at the other. Somehow I ended up on Kyle’s lap. His hands came up around my waist. So wrong.

  Ave, babe, whatever you do, DON’T get drunk tonight.

  But we’re all friends…it wasn’t that weird, was it?

  I fell back against Kyle’s chest so Kris and Dawn had room to sit down again. Nash had a murderous look on his face until he realized I was watching him. Or maybe the darkness just made it look like that. I couldn’t tell now. There wasn’t any way to slink of Kyle’s lap without looking like it bothered me so I stayed, even though I was overly aware of how he felt under me. His hands were still on my hips.

  Apparently I’m the only guy who doesn’t get to feel you up.

  A gust of wind blasted my face and shoulders, making me shiver, so I slid down deeper into the water. It probably didn’t look good… I kept my eyes on Dawn as she talked, sounding a little on the far side of tipsy.

  Brandon stood up and leaned over the edge, reaching for something on the deck. Small lights flicked on above us, surrounding the hot tub. In the new light, I caught an evil grin between Kris and Dawn just before they both slapped Brandon hard on the ass.

  He flipped up so fast he threw a beer bottle over us. “Damn it!”

  I laughed so hard I almost slid under the water. Kyle’s hands came around me harder, moving up my body. Then one of his hands moved to cup my breast. I pushed off the bottom of the hot tub, trying to move out of his reach, but it made me slid up his body.

  “Well, hello there,” he said right into my ear.

  Fucking asshole!

  “Dude, wrong girl,” Nash said, actually reaching over to take my arm and pull me his way. I laughed like maybe I’d been drinking too, hoping to play it off.

  Kyle laughed, too. “Just joking around.”

  “I thought we had wine coolers.” Brandon stood up in the middle of everyone, triumphantly holding two wine coolers up toward the sky. “And what do I get for it? Abuse.” He shook his head, sitting down, and Kyle reached for one.

  “Um, think those are for the ladies!” Kris reached too.

  “Um,
yeah, I was going to open them for you two. Brandon, you grabbing one more?”

  Dawn did not need another drink, but we were here to have fun. At least Kris and Dawn were—they could drink to their heart’s content and not worry about going too far with their guy.

  Remember that later! It won’t work to say you’re too drunk for sex. That’s the exact—Never mind. Just don’t to do it that way.

  I agreed with Marcus but the wine cooler went down a little too easy. We finally settled back and relaxed, looking up at the stars and snuggling with the right guys. I snuck a look at Kris. She had one arm up with her hand curled around Kyle’s head, as she leaned back on him to smile up at the sky. If she thought anything about Kyle and me, she knew how to act. Nash was another matter. Under me, he felt stiff, and he hadn’t opened another beer.

  “Holy shit!” Brandon popped up straight and pointed. I sat up and looked, expecting to see a group of naked girls running down the beach. It was the moon, giant and yellow, rising up from the sea.

  “It’s huge!” Kristina breathed.

  “Why thank you,” Kyle quipped, followed by a slapping noise. I ignored him and stared in wonder.

  “Let’s make a wish,” Dawn said.

  Brandon laughed at her but I wanted to make a wish too. Should I wish for Marcus to disappear? Things to work out with Nash? Things to settle down with Kyle? For Marcus to be real?

  I wish I could meet you face to face. Kiss you on the mouth and hold you all night.

  Me, too.

  Chapter Eighteen

  We soaked in the hot tub until we felt sick. Brandon and Dawn bailed first. I kept looking up at the sky full of stars, feeling like they could see what I was thinking while Nash held me on his lap. Marcus and I were both picturing this scene with him in it. I no longer questioned life with him talking in my head—it was my normal now, my exciting secret.

  “Ready to make a run for it?” Nash asked by my ear, startling me because I’d gotten so engrossed in my fantasy.

  “Ready, set, go!” I hopped out and grabbed for my towel to wrap up before I hurried inside.