In My Dreams (First Tracks Book 2) Read online

  This was the parents I knew and loved.

  “I just don’t want to let you down,” I said hoarsely.

  Mom tilted her head, a tear rolling down one cheek. “Marcus, you could never let us down. You’re worked harder than anyone I know.” She turned to my dad and they took each other’s hands. “We thought we lost you, but now you’re here and awake. That’s all that matters right now.”

  “We’ve always been so proud of you.” Dad stared down at the floor for a long, silent minute. “Mom’s right. The rest can wait until later.”

  “Yes, we’re rushing this.” Mom patted my hand. “We don’t know how you’re doing yet. You just woke up! Let’s be happy about that for now.”

  I was. More than she knew. I was so happy to be awake, alive, in one piece. My mind still felt foggy, but everything was starting to come back and gel into a picture. God, a few days ago I thought I was going to die. That was going to be it. And I had accepted it.

  “Yeah, I’m alive,” I said, laughing. Thanks to Avery, I was alive. She fought like hell to save my life. “Listen, can you let me see Avery again? That must have freaked her out when I didn’t remember her. I want to make sure she’s okay.”

  Mom studied me for a minute while Dad got up. They weren’t sure what to make of this. I wasn’t either. Not really. But I wasn’t going to question it too much—Avery saved my life.

  Chapter Two

  Avery

  The hospital felt like a funny mix of constant busyness and stationary waiting, of voices and noise but also silence, of life changing seriousness for the patients and families but just an ordinary workday for the staff. I stood in the breezeway, gazing out a window at a blank sheen of gray clouds, while conversations floated by behind me.

  A touch on my arm made me jump and turn. Elaina smiled uncertainty, and I noticed she had the same amber eyes as Marcus. So far my impression of her was a soft, sweet woman, but I think there must be a strong streak in there somewhere. There had to be since she raised a son like Marcus.

  “Oh, sorry, honey, I didn’t mean to startle you. He wants to see you.”

  I nodded and mumbled thanks as I hurried back to his room. Even now, it was a shock to see him lying there with the bruises on his face, the cast on his arm, and mostly the open eyes looking at me.

  “Come here.” Marcus tried for a smile and held a hand out to me. “I need you.”

  I sat on his beside him and lay down, carefully arranging myself around him. “Think they’ll give us a while?” I asked softly, hoping my voice didn’t sound too emotional.

  “Yeah.” His voice was barely a whisper. He rubbed circles on my back while I hung onto him. I listened to him breathe and felt the rise and fall of his chest under me. I wanted to hold him and feel him, to know he was really here and not going anywhere. Then he asked, “What are you thinking?”

  “I’m just so happy to feel you against me.” A second later I laughed lightly. “And guess what? I can have secrets now.”

  He fell quiet and my laugh died. That felt strange too—now we’d have to share our thoughts if we wanted the other to know, and now we had the option to hold some thoughts back.

  “Do you want secrets?” he asked, his voice more serious than I liked.

  “I didn’t mean it like that.” I lifted my head to look into his eyes for a minute before lying on his chest again. “I just meant, now you don’t know every thought running through my head.”

  He gave a small chuckle. “Goes two ways, Tiger Lily.”

  A chill ran down my back, under the spot where he rubbed. It was just a joke. We were both adjusting to this, figuring it out, but I wanted to hear his thoughts behind the comment. Did he have things to hide? We’d gotten to know each other so well, so intimately, that I couldn’t imagine not experiencing life on a thought by thought basis with him. Would we lose our connection, our closeness?

  “So what are you thinking?”

  He laughed. “The same, I guess. I’m so happy to hold you and look at you, and have my body back. I want to kiss you, really kiss you, like we were daydreaming. Remember that?”

  “Um, yeah…” Heat pooled as images raced through my head of all the things we’d wanted to do before. His fingertips traced over my shoulder.

  “There’s so much coming back, I don’t know where to begin. It’s like a puzzle with a million pieces spread all over the table right now.”

  “I know what you mean,” I say, and then he joined me in saying, “But we’ll figure it out.” That made us laugh together again.

  My face buried in his chest, I lightly ran my hand over him and bumped into the cast on his arm. Suddenly I felt like a jerk for bringing his guitar here, but it had made him smile when he saw it.

  It was his right arm in a cast, but I thought (hoped) he was left handed. I wanted to ask, but I didn’t want to remind him. It’d been a while since the accident, so I hoped it was mostly healed by now.

  “Ave…”

  He sounded thoughtful and I lifted my head to see his expression. The faded bruises were still a little starling—I didn’t focus on that earlier because I was so happy to see him awake and conscious of everything. As I watched him, all the lights came on in those amber eyes, like he remembered the best news ever.

  “Ave, we can do your birthday. We can go to the beach and go swimming. We can rent a house and sit in the hot tub. Us. Together. We can do all of that now.”

  His idea made me almost giggle, but a second later, his face went slack.

  “Marcus?”

  “We can do something about Kyle.” His hardened voice gave me chills. I didn’t want to dig all that up again—not right now. I started shaking my head and he reached and touched my face. “Babe, what he did was wrong. Then he kept pushing it on that trip. He’s not getting away with all of that. Not now.”

  “That’s behind us…” I said, lamely shrugging. I didn’t want Marcus to track Kyle down and beat the shit out of him. Somehow, though, that didn’t seem like Marcus. And right now, he didn’t seem able to get out of bed.

  He just woke up. Give it time.

  “Why don’t you want to do anything?” he asked, shaking his head.

  “Do we need to talk about it?” I countered. “I mean, we can later, just not right this sec. We just found each other. And, I don’t know, everything back in Ashland with my friends is so messed up right now.”

  His forehead creased. “Oh. Right. Damn, I forgot about the whole Nash and Kyle thing…” I watched his expression morph, going from realization to worry to something like jealousy and anger.

  I might like a little jealousy. A little. But I didn’t want Marcus to worry about us or anything else for that matter. And, I wasn’t ready to deal with all that yet. I didn’t know where things stood with Jazz. Kris and Nash probably wouldn’t speak to me. Life had gotten so out of whack and I just left it that way.

  All of that had faded away when I thought I had lost Marcus.

  “What happened? Before this?” I asked, shuddering at the thought of how things almost ended, but my curiosity was getting the better of me. “At the beach, you were just gone…and then you woke up here?”

  “I…” He gazed off over my head for a minute. “I was with you… but then I woke up here and everything was blank. I’m sorry I didn’t remember you right away. I feel like shit about it.”

  His face showed it too, his mouth frowning and his eyes darkening with guilt.

  “No, no, don’t worry.” I kissed his mouth softly and then around his face, kissing the bruises as gently as I could.

  He closed his eyes, and I suddenly I just wanted to be close to him, as close as possible. I leaned carefully over him and rested my forehead against his chest.

  This all felt so crazy. Panic swelled inside my chest, but then his hand smoothed down my hair, as if he could still feel my emotions and knew about the storm inside of me. He ran his fingers through my hair and tucked one side behind my ear.

  Voices came through
the door, and then Tom and Elaina stepped inside with a thirty-something male doctor. I tried to fight the way my stomach tightened, but Tom startled me. The glare on his glasses hid his eyes, and his short, gray hair somehow made him look creepy just then.

  I moved back and sat in a chair across from the bed, giving them space. The young doctor gave Marcus a big smile, displaying perfectly straight, white teeth. He was surprisingly handsome, like he should be on that show Grey’s Anatomy.

  “Hello, Marcus, you probably don’t remember meeting me before.” He approached Marcus with his hand out to shake. “Dr. Michaels. It’s a real pleasure to meet you. I watched you compete in the Olympics, and man, I’m impressed.”

  Marcus simply nodded, his mouth tightening. He’d been so outgoing and laid back in my head, so it hurt my heart to see him more withdrawn like this. That comment probably reminded him that he couldn’t do those physical things right now. I didn’t want to think about the future and all the if’s.

  The doctor turned to me. “I’m Dr. Michaels.”

  “Avery.” I shook his hand too, wondering if anyone would explain who I was, or if it mattered. “Nice to meet you.”

  He smiled brightly before turning back to his patient. If he’d been clued into the drama surrounding me, he wasn’t letting on.

  “So, Marcus, let’s see how you’re doing. I bet you have all kinds of questions too. So we’ll take things slow, check your responses and stats, and go from there. Sound good?” He was ready to start.

  Marcus, on the other hand, turned white. “Hey, doc, do we need everyone here?”

  His question got the kind of response you’d expect. I wasn’t the only one who did a double take at him. He kept his eyes on Dr. Michaels, trying to ignore our responses

  “Ah, sure. I don’t see why that’s a problem.” The doctor turned to face the rest of us, a message to head out. Marcus looked up at me, and I’d swear he was trying to cover fear. I stepped closer and squeezed his hand before leaving.

  He watched me go but I had no clue what was going on inside his head. Why was that freaking me out so bad?

  In the hallway, his parents walked close together, talking quietly. Tom’s deep voice carried back to me, and I swear I caught the words I’ll get her out of here…

  I stood frozen, watching them, everything inside me sinking. How much sway did they have over Marcus? He seemed like his own person to me but I didn’t have the best feeling about this.

  I turned in the other direction, wondering what I’d do while waiting, and found Jen standing behind me. Judging from her blank face, I decided she hadn’t heard her father.

  Her blue eyes were startlingly blue, and not just for the vivid color. They were crystalline and sparkly. I had a hard time not staring.

  “Hey,” she said softly. “Walk with me?”

  At least she wasn’t siding with her parents, as far as I could tell.

  “Sure.” We gave each other a soft smile and started off the other way together, walking slow like two friends. Just that small act bolstered my spirits.

  A strange mix of cafeteria food and antiseptic scent filled the hallway, reminding me of the school cafeteria from grade school. I suppose it’s a hospital smell too. Smelling it felt gross and comforting at the same time, making me start to laugh.

  “Does this feel weird to you?” Jen asked, giving me a raised eyebrow for the laugh.

  I laughed again. It felt good. “I don’t know what to think about everything…but, he’s okay.”

  She turned to me with big, open eyes so I couldn’t look away.

  “How did that happen?” she asked, her palm out. “How did Marcus find you and… live in your head?”

  It took me a minute to process everything she was asking.

  “He didn’t find me, I don’t think.” We walked around a corner while I thought. “He was as confused as I was, maybe more because he couldn’t remember who he was.” I glanced over and caught the worry line forming between her brows.

  “He just landed there?” She pointed at my head.

  I needed to talk to Marcus about how much we’ll tell other people. In a way, it’s asking too much for others to believe this. I held back, but she searched my eyes like she wanted to understand.

  “What about your parents?” I asked. “Jazz made things sound pretty bad when she called the hospital. Everyone decided I was completely crazy.”

  Her gaze bounced around and she shrugged, like she didn’t want to look at me right then. Had they been talking about me?

  We reached the end of the hallway and turned around. A few other people were walking around in a haze too, and then others were hurrying by with things to do.

  “I don’t know.” Jen slid her hands into her jean pockets as we started back. “It sounded bad before, but Marcus remembers you. I have no idea how they’re going to deal with that.”

  They would need to deal with it somehow and find a way to understand it.

  I pulled in a breath, and a second too late realized how emotional and raw I sounded. Before I could turn away, she rested her hand on my shoulder.

  “He’s awake now. It’ll be okay.” She sounded sure, the same way Marcus sounds sure when he puts me at ease.

  “I just wish I could figure out what’s going on inside, why I can’t calm down. I just don’t think—” I just didn’t know anything.

  “It’s been tough. My mental state isn’t the best either!” Her quick intake of breath mirrored my emotions. “I’ve been on this rollercoaster, not knowing if Marcus would make it, and even now some things are up in the air.”

  We were almost back, and we both saw her parents huddled at the other end, both with their heads bent close.

  She made a scoffing sound. “This should be interesting.”

  That would be one word for it.

  Chapter Three

  Marcus

  When I watched Avery leave, my eyes landed on my guitar. Maybe my brain wasn’t all the way awake yet, because I kept forgetting I’m stuck in this bed and my arm is in a cast. I can’t grab my guitar and play—I couldn’t strum with this cast in the way, and I wasn’t sure my good hand was good enough to hold the correct strings down. It’s not really listening to what I tell it to do.

  I can’t touch Avery the way I want to. Holy shit, my body is all messed up, but it sure reacted to her touch. I can still feel it low and tight in my abdomen even now, after she’s gone. I want her in a bad, bad way.

  It was something like this before, except I couldn’t look at her from my own eyes, and I didn’t have my body to feel it this way. And I didn’t have her right here where I can touch and kiss her. Damn, I wanted her!

  But I couldn’t do anything about it. I sighed, regretting that the doctor was watching all of this. A nurse came in quietly to assist. They seem to hover a lot.

  While they checked my reflexes and vitals yet again, I mentally went over my time with Avery today, shot by shot, replaying her responses and expressions. What was going on in that head of hers?

  Before, when she gave other people that cool, reserved face, I got to hear all the crazy thoughts and feel the overwhelming emotions going on inside of her. That girl is funny when she wants to be, but she doesn’t share it often. We’d both have to get used to this new, separate reality.

  But I could feel her in a different way. Hold her. Kiss her. It was a miracle.

  “When will I be on my feet again?” I asked, looking back at Dr. Michaels. He hesitated, lifting his chin. But he knew. He was just doing that sensitive doctor shit.

  He gestured for me to hold my good arm out again. “That’s a complicated question, Marcus.”

  “How complicated can it be? A week? A month? I hate this. I feel all weak and things aren’t working quite right. Dude, I’ll go crazy lying in this bed.”

  “And that’s why this is complicated. Listen, it’s not a magic switch. You won’t suddenly be a hundred percent again. It’ll take time and therapy.”

  Therapy.
I know I won’t have the patience for that.

  “What about snowboarding?”

  Dr. Michaels made a face, and I could tell he was fighting back a sigh. What the fuck did he expect, that I’d be happy to lay here and get better?

  After a pause, he nodded to the nurse and she left. Then he slid a stool over by the bed and sat down.

  “That broken arm will take at least two more weeks to heal, so you have time to get everything else working too. It sounds like patience isn’t your thing, but…well, it has to be now.”

  I rubbed my face, not liking how my hand still felt a little disconnected. Guess it made sense, though. I felt like I woke up from a very, very, very long sleep, and I sorta did.

  “I’d like to look on the positive side,” he added. “You’re awake and making progress already. This is big. A week ago we weren’t sure you’d pull through.”

  I hold up a hand to stop him. Yeah, I know all about it. I actually didn’t sleep through the part where my family considered pulling the plug. Yeah, they were following my wishes—the wishes I’d wrote down three years ago before this whole thing happened, but how could I have known then? That was before I met Avery.

  “What about…” I gestured downward instead of spelling it out.

  “That…” His head went back and forth. Was that indecision? What was that? “That might take time, too.”

  This blows.

  “Let’s talk about getting you back on your feet,” he said, grabbing my attention. So I listened to him for a good ten minutes before he asked, “Ready to see your family again?”

  “I’d like a few minutes alone first.” I didn’t explain but he simply nodded. I hadn’t been alone since waking up, and while all of this was good—correct that to great—I felt bulldozed right now. I went from living in Avery’s head to back here in my own body, and now I had a whole new set of problems.

  But it was better problems. I had to remember that. I had my life back, my family, my guitar…and Avery. I had Avery in my life for real.