License to Love: Holiday Box Set (Contemporary Romance) Page 12

  “Is this about what I told you last night?” he asked, confused and hurt that his confession would drive her away. Maybe she didn’t like learning so much about him, either.

  With a shake of the head, she said, “Of course not. Don’t ever think that.”

  “Then what? Don’t you see I need you? I think you need me too.” Brent stepped so quickly, she couldn’t back away from him. She couldn’t run with his hand gripping her arm, but she didn’t look like she planned to answer him, either.

  “I don’t want to need you.” Her enraged voice told him she was telling the truth.

  “I don’t understand. I know you didn’t plan on this, but neither did I. Fate brought us together.”

  At the fiery flashes in her eyes, he knew he’d picked the wrong words.

  “Are you saying I don’t have a choice?”

  “Of course you do,” he said, wishing to hell he could understand her. “I just need to know why you won’t take it.”

  She shook her arm free. “I can’t walk into this lightly. I need to think about it.”

  In his opinion, she did too much thinking, but he let her leave.

  Chapter Ten

  The radio on her kitchen counter played Christmas music, but to Missy, it didn’t feel like Christmas would be coming to Ocean View Stables.

  Telling Brent the truth had seemed like the worst thing that could happen. Maybe she couldn’t handle this.

  She stood in her kitchen, watching out her window as Brent walked with Jeffrey in the pasture. After two weeks of not talking with him, not working beside him, or making love to him, she felt like a stranger to herself.

  At first she had needed space to think about things. Or maybe she had just needed the space because they were getting close. It felt strange to need someone else like that. And she had known it was time to share more about herself.

  She’d gotten scared—she could see that now. That’s why she pushed him away. Then it was clear he was hurt so she gave him space. That just made things worse. This trouble was because he wanted to know all her secrets, but didn’t every couple have secrets?

  She hated how they’d spent part of the holiday season hardly talking. Maybe she’d damaged things too much to fix them now.

  It was time to try.

  She wrapped up in a coat and scarf and walked down to see him, knowing he might send her packing. He saw her coming, but didn’t give her a warm greeting.

  “How is he?” she asked, not stepping close enough to pet Jeffrey.

  “Much better, thanks.” He only gave her a glance. Boy, he wasn’t going easy on her, was he?

  “I miss you,” she tried. He whipped around, sending her a step back.

  “I didn’t send you away, remember?” She’d never heard his soft voice sound as bitter as it did now. Had she hurt him that badly? “You wanted to cool things down, they’re cooled.”

  She pushed her hands deep into her coat pockets to keep them warm. “I got scared.”

  “And I offered to help.” He kept his attention on the horse and she stood for several minutes, thinking about leaving. But she couldn’t. He sighed and turned to her. “You want me, then you don’t. My horse is more dependable than you are.”

  “Okay, fine,” she mumbled to herself on her way into the stables. She decided Dancer needed some riding time. She’d been riding him more and more, and it’d be good for both of them to get out and run out some energy.

  Maybe a horse was more dependable. So what? Why did she have to be dependable? She saddled Dancer and took off on the path to the top of the hill. They set a good pace, stopping when they arrived at the spectacular view of the Pacific Ocean.

  Waves rose and fell in a natural rhythm and pace. The cold wind stung her cheeks, but she welcomed it.

  Such a beautiful view... she loved this place. She wasn’t sure when it had happened, but she felt like she was home–like she’d found whatever it was she’d been looking for.

  Brent was a part of Ocean View Stables like the waves were a part of the sea. Why had she been afraid of loving him before?

  She nudged the horse and headed back as the sun slipped down into the clouds over the water.

  * * * *

  After she’d put Dancer up, she trudged back to her little house in the fading light. Inside she flipped on the lights and dropped onto her couch. Was there enough wine left in her fridge to get her drunk? She was almost in tears, about to get the wine, when someone knocked.

  Knowing it’d be him, she opened her door to a tall cowboy, his hat in hand, and hurt in his blue eyes. She had put that hurt there, and that made her stomach go sour. She let him in and went back to her couch.

  “What’s going on, Missy?”

  “I was wrong.” She could say it only so many ways. He looked so handsome, and so frustrated.

  “Is this about Ben?”

  She stared at him, dumbstruck. “Oh, you’re mad at me. I replaced him. And you’re mad at me.”

  His eyes went wide. “No!”

  Then what did he mean? She waited for an answer but he just turned his hat in his hands. After a sigh, he said, “I don’t know what else to think. You won’t give me anything.”

  Actually, she’d given him everything but the truth. “Sit down with me, Brent.”

  He sat and immediately demanded, “If that’s not it, what’s holding you back?”

  She couldn’t break eye contact. His blue eyes held hope and questions. He’d shared his guilt with her, why couldn’t she tell him?

  She hadn’t said the words out loud to anyone, and she stared at him now in silence, her heart pumping erratically in her chest. Each beat sounded loud inside her, hurting. Each breath took effort.

  She’d give anything for him to know, to somehow read her mind, and save her from saying the words. She couldn’t do it.

  “I can’t do this, Missy.” He stood and her heart shattered. “If you want me, you want me. And if not, we’ll see what happens here at the ranch. But you can’t go one way and then the other.”

  His eyes blazed at her as he set his hat back on his head. He stormed out, maybe for the last time.

  * * * *

  That couldn’t have gone worse. After stalking out into the darkness, he stopped and stood with both hands on his hips. He’d do anything to get Missy to love him, truly love him and share her life and secrets with him.

  What could it be? What haunted her and kept her so guarded?

  A light rain began to fall as he stood in the middle of the road. Rain didn’t bother him. The expression he’d seen on her face when he left did.

  Now walking just to move, he took one step after another, though he didn’t want to leave. Was fair the most important thing? No matter what else happened, he couldn’t leave things the way they were. He loved her, even if they didn’t have a future together, so he couldn’t leave her with those angry words.

  Halfway back to his house, he couldn’t go on. He turned around and started for her house again, but right then he heard someone take off from the stables on horseback. How’d she get past him?

  Did that woman take to a horse every time she got mad?

  He ran to the stables, threw a saddle on Jeffrey and took off after her. The rain continued to drizzle, coating him with tiny water droplets that started soaking through his clothes. At least she’d stuck to a path, so he saw her up ahead.

  “Missy!”

  She turned Dancer to run off, but he galloped up to her. She really meant it when she said her and Dancer were friends. At least someone was riding him again.

  “Wait, Missy, can I tell you something?” He could barely see her.

  “I deserve it, so go ahead.” Her rough, shaking voice told him what his eyes couldn’t.

  “I didn’t mean to tear into you that way. I said what I did because I care about you.” He paused, wanting to stop, but he couldn’t hold back his feelings for her. “I love being around you, but I can’t do it, not if you’re this way.”


  “What way?” The rain had flattened her hair to her face and down her shoulders, but she didn’t seem to notice.

  “I’ll put aside the fact that you’re out here alone on a black night.” He wanted to tell her to get inside, but they had more important things to discuss. “You were into me, now you’re running. You’re breaking my heart.”

  Her horse became still. Missy, too, remained quiet, like she had to think about that. He decided to leave and let her process for a while. Fine, he’d had his say and she wasn’t stopping him. “All right, Missy. But please get inside. You’ll get hurt out here.”

  He retreated a ways down the path and made sure she got back to the stables, figuring she knew he was keeping an eye on her. How could he not? She could tear his heart in two, but he couldn’t control how much he wanted to protect her. He waited outside while she took care of Dancer before he took Jeffrey in and put him away for the night.

  * * * *

  For two full minutes, Missy stood outside Brent’s cabin door with her fist raised to knock. You’re breaking my heart. She’d never broken anyone’s heart before. She’d never had anyone who cared so much about her. After he said that, she couldn’t stay away.

  The door swung open before she knocked.

  “I’m sorry.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “For the way I’ve treated you. I’ve been scared and immature and selfish. And confused.” His face was set and hard, his brows creased as she stared at him. She pulled in a breath, but it sounded like a sob before she finished.

  “Come here.” He grabbed her by the arms as he spoke and pulled her against him. They embraced with her chin tucked into his neck. “I don’t care what you do anymore, but you better not ever run away from me again.”

  “What if I hurt you, Brent?” She liked how he felt against her and how his arms held her close.

  “You didn’t drag me into this.”

  “But what if I’m using you so I won’t be alone for the holidays?” In truth, that had only been one small consideration but she couldn’t tell him the rest.

  “Is that so bad?” He ran his hand down her hair and rested it against her cheek. She wondered if he was letting her off the hook about telling him the truth. He added, “Sounds like you don’t want to hurt me.”

  “I’m scared I will. And that you’ll want more than I have to give you.”

  “Right now, it’s more than enough just to hold you.” He pulled her closer so that she could feel his warmth through their layers of clothing. “I can go slow, follow your lead.”

  “You make it sound easy,” she mumbled, closing her eyes.

  “I’m trying, I don’t want to make your life harder than it is.”

  “I’m the one doing that. My life’s about as simple as you can get. I make my own hours, run things the way I want to. It’s the stuff inside me that’s messing up everything.”

  “I don’t think it is.” He pulled her head back to look into her eyes. “The only suggestion I can offer is to share your burden. When you’re ready, I want to help you.”

  His expression sent shivers through her. He touched his forehead to hers with his eyes closed. His lips touched hers, moved, and took on an urgency until she couldn’t resist.

  She answered him and wrapped her arms around him, pulled him as close as possible, and didn’t fight the feelings stirring up inside.

  “I love you, Missy, and I can’t fight it.” Speaking against her cheek, he shut the door behind her and looked into her eyes. Love? That couldn’t be what she was feeling. What about trust?

  Her heart pumped with a painful velocity, and she knew if she didn’t share, it’d end up hurting her. “It’s about time I told you a few things.” She took his hand. “About me.”

  * * * *

  Brent knew he couldn’t walk away from her, no matter how big this turned out to be. He pulled her into the living room and onto the couch with him. “Whatever you want to tell me, I’ll still love you.”

  “I don’t doubt that.” She sighed. “I don’t feel good about myself while holding this back.” Tears flooded her eyes. “This is about the job I left behind.”

  Things clicked together in his head, and he couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it before. “This is about the man you dated there.”

  “Russ, my boss.” She met his gaze. “He flirted with me from the day I started working for the firm. But I didn’t want to date someone from the office.” Her voice shook so she paused. “He was persistent.”

  He nudged the tears off her cheeks with his knuckles. “So you never dated?”

  A stalker? Harassment in the office? No matter how the jerk scared her, he’d have to pay.

  “Yes, we did. I’ve been ashamed of it ever since.” She stared straight down at the floor, but looked up when he touched her. “I finally went out with him because he’d been asking for so long. He seemed to care about me, and I hoped I might feel something for him if I gave him a chance.” She stopped, looking down again, and he noticed she was barely breathing.

  “Missy?” He scooted closer, wrapping his arms around her. “What happened? I remember you said he fired you.”

  “My feelings didn’t change, and he grew more and more pushy. Then, one night when we were alone at the office, I told him I didn’t feel anything for him.”

  And he sent her packing. Brent tried to imagine how that made her feel, and could understand why she’d been so reserved when she came to the ranch.

  “He wouldn’t accept that.” She spoke so quietly that he almost missed what she wasn’t saying. Gently, he touched her chin and nudged her face his way again. She turned her head but didn’t look at him.

  “There’s more, isn’t there?”

  “He thought the security guard was done with his rounds, but the guard was running late. If he hadn’t been on the floor, and heard my yells, Russ would have raped me.”

  Pulling her close to him, he saw their time together in retrospect. Certain things, strange before, now made sense. After pulling in a deep breath to calm his rage, he asked, “Did you report him?”

  “I ran. I went home and tried to figure out what to do, but I couldn’t think. By the time I called the police two hours later, they already had a report. Against me.”

  “You?” He stiffened.

  “For stalking Russ. They told me I was lucky they didn’t have enough to press charges, but they were going to watch me. By morning, the entire office had heard that I offered him sex when he fired me.”

  “The bastard. He’s enjoying his high paying job, and you left town.”

  “No one’s going to hire me now.”

  He felt her tears through his shirt and pulled her even closer. “We’ll make it right, Missy.”

  Instead of answering, she rubbed her face into him. He didn’t know what he’d do to the man who tried to hurt her, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to let him get away with it.

  “So that’s what this was about. You had good reason not to trust me, or any man.” He rubbed her back, wanting her to release the tears and held-back emotions. “I’d sell this ranch before I hurt you. I’d give away the horses, move into a city.”

  That’d be hell for him, but still not as bad as losing her. When her breathing sounded normal, he kissed her temple.

  His lips trailed down to her neck, making her fingers dig into him. She couldn’t hold still. “It’s been so long.” She almost cried the words.

  “Too long,” he agreed and felt her body tremble, come alive. She reached out to him and he knew that by sharing, she’d freed herself of the guilt that held her back before.

  “Just don’t feel guilty over that,” he said, pulling back to look her in the eye. “It was some guy being a real jerk to you.”

  She searched his eyes and then reached for him. He held her face tenderly and kissed her forehead.

  “Don’t torture me.” She pulled him back to her mouth roughly. His hands, resting on her shoulders, pushed her jacket off and slid down her side to rest
on her hips. All of her, he had to touch all of her. He lost his breath when her hands slid under his worn T-shirt. Her touch did things to him; things he hadn’t known were possible. “Missy,” he murmured into her hair.

  * * * *

  Later, when his breathing slowed, he rolled onto his side, taking her with him, so they lay facing each other. After smoothing her hair away from her face, he kissed her once more.

  “You’re smiling,” he whispered.

  “So are you.”

  “Guess we’re both happy. That’s a good thing.”

  A good thing. She shivered as her body cooled. Brent pulled the covers over them and drew her near. They didn’t speak. What they’d shared could mean so many things, or nothing.

  “Have you noticed we resolve arguments with sex?” she asked.

  “Not sex. We make love.” He pulled her chin up and looked into her eyes. “In case you haven’t gotten it yet, I love you.”

  “I know.” Her eyes were warm with love, but he wasn’t sure she’d tell him any time soon. Then she surprised him. “I’m not sure why it’s been hard for me to say that. I heard you the first time, you know, when we made love. I love you too. I have for a while.”

  “Stay with me tonight.”

  In response, she moved closer.

  Chapter Eleven

  “Thanks, Nick.” Brent hung up the phone. Standing by the kitchen window, he looked out at the horses in the pasture, but his mind was on everything Missy had told him. Nick Hatcher thought they could do something legally about it, and agreed with Brent that men like Russ were repeat offenders.

  And now he would have someone checking up on him. If Russ had tried to hurt anyone else, Nick Hatcher would find out about it.

  The clouds parted outside and bright sunshine shone in through the large windows. He spotted Missy walking up the pasture, in her red jacket and scarf, her hair whipping in the wind. The temperature had taken a nosedive, but that wouldn’t keep them inside.

  After yanking on his own coat, he met her at the bottom of the steps. She smiled and took the arm he offered. He spun her around and planted his mouth on hers. When he finished he lifted his face.