All In My Head (First Tracks Book 1) Page 12

  “Uh, heck yeah!” I needed to feel normal, to have her think I was normal. A glance in the mirror stopped me. “Just let me throw on some lipstick so I don’t look all mousey next to you.”

  “Whatever!” She sauntered out the door.

  Laughing, I turned back to the mirror with my mascara wand in my hand. Marcus hovered … I felt him around me as I dusted on a little blush and lipstick.

  Guess some makeup’s okay. Sometimes.

  I remembered all his comments about snowboarding chicks and how they didn’t need makeup. It made me laugh now.

  When I met my own eyes again, I startled. They were the same eyes I’d always seen in the mirror, but I knew Marcus was checking me out, completely fascinated. And fantasizing.

  I sucked in a breath, my body on fire, and hurried out of the room to get away from the mirror.

  Chapter Fourteen

  I walked down the hall to find a small party in progress—there were twenty or more people packed into our kitchen and living room area. The curtains were shut, blocking out the remaining daylight, and Kris had strung up little white lights across the top of the living room window. Two lit candles set on the coffee table, pushed against the opposite wall. The only other light was the small one over the stove in the kitchen.

  “Nice!” I called to her and got a thumbs-up in return.

  Kyle stepped beside me and said, “Hey, Ave, I brought white wine. Want a glass?”

  Hmm, interesting.

  This was the most he’d spoken directly to me since last spring term. I had to find my voice to say, “Sure. Thanks.”

  Oh, for a beer …

  Several of Kyle’s friends were there, beers in their hands. If I remembered correctly, they weren’t the two at the house on that awful night.

  Too bad. I’d tear their faces off if they were. Might be a nice time to teach Kyle a lesson too.

  I felt my blood pumping hard, like Marcus was affecting me physically. I didn’t like it.

  Two girls I didn’t know were standing together, and one of the guys yelled introductions. Dawn and Brandon were tangled up together on the couch. Kyle handed me a plastic red cup of wine just as Kristina said over the music, “So I had the best idea ever for spring break. The six of us should go to the coast—Kyle and me, Dawn and Brandon, and you and Nash.”

  “Thanks, Kyle.” I took a sip, digesting what Kris just said and hoping Kyle would leave. He lingered. “There’s a trip in the works?”

  “We can rent my aunt’s beach house starting Monday. She was going to use it and changed her mind. There’s three bedrooms and it overlooks the beach! It’ll be awesome. You want to go, right?”

  Nash, me … and Marcus? “I … maybe.”

  Her eyes bugged out. “Maybe? You have to go! It’ll be so awesome.” She grabbed my arm while she hopped up and down. “Please? Puleeesee?”

  I tried not to look at Kyle but failed. At least I looked away too quickly to read his expression.

  “It’ll be an early birthday celebration!” she said. Kristina might have just thought that up, but it still meant she remembered my birthday. A smile fought its way onto my face.

  “Okay, okay! I’ll probably go. Most likely,” I added at her pouty lip.

  This couldn’t go on that long, right? Marcus would be gone by then. Something had to give.

  “You want Nash to come, right?” She slung an arm around Kyle, who seemed to be waiting on my answer too.

  “Yeah, sure, I do.” I think. Maybe.

  Can’t wait … NOT.

  “And you’re okay sharing a room?” she asked, watching my expression.

  “Wait, what?” I looked between the two of them, feeling stupid for not realizing that earlier … and feeling a little pressured right now. Both Kris and Kyle watched me process it, and I realized they were the two people that knew I had hang ups with the whole being intimate thing. What if he told her?

  “There’s just three bedrooms … and the trip would be so perfect to get a little closer.”

  Kyle finally walked away and I shoved Kris’s arm, but not hard.

  She gave a sly smile. “Okay, sorry. It’s just, you’ve been so in love with him, and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, even if you share a room. Just be clear with him up front.” She gave a shrug like that was an easy thing to talk about.

  “Yeah …”

  “But it would be perfect,” she said, grinning. It was all very romantic in her mind. It was just complicated in my mind.

  Kyle walked by again, pausing to fill my glass. I almost didn’t notice, so it was lucky that I didn’t tip it as he poured. Our eyes met for a briefest second when he glanced at my face. I looked away, because I had been staring at him, I guess. He didn’t say anything. Just kept going. Kristina talked the whole time.

  Had she told Kyle to be nice to me tonight to butter me up for the trip?

  I remembered what Marcus said about her … and Kyle and me. Was it possible that he wanted me to go for his own personal reasons? Hopefully what I was thinking wasn’t showing through.

  Could be over thinking it, babe. Remember how you told me she always wants you to go along with their group things?

  I nodded to Kristina like I was listening and told Marcus, You’re the one that mentioned all this other stuff. I think you’re trying to let me off the hook so I won’t worry.

  Why worry? At least, why worry about what they’re thinking? We’ve got a bigger problem.

  “Where is Nash?” she asked like she’d been talking about him. Good thing I caught the question through my thoughts and the music.

  It wasn’t like I’d had time to invite him yet, but I just said, “I think he had something with his friends tonight.” That was lame of me, and I wasn’t sure why I said it. Kris gave me a look so I added, “I’m sure he’ll come on the trip. It’ll be great, right?”

  Jazz came in the front door then with a couple of friends, holding a grocery bag in each hand. Her friends helped her cover the counter with bowls of tortilla and potato chips, different dips, and more beer.

  By now we had thirty people easy, all talking and bumping into each other, with the music pumping. It pulled me in and made me forget how different I’ve felt from everyone else.

  “Ave!” Kris squealed suddenly like she had another great idea. “You should play your guitar!”

  I gave Kris a wide-eyed look that I hoped would stop her and said, “We’ve got music already.”

  “Come on. Play for everyone!” Kristina said, gesturing toward my room like I would happily jump up and run to get the guitar.

  “You play guitar?” Kyle looked astonished, which hurt my feelings for some unknown reason. It’d felt the same thing when Kristina said that, but this just drove it in deeper. Of course, they were probably just surprised that I had never shared that fact. It wasn’t like they all thought I was incapable of something like this. It only felt that way.

  I almost wanted to … but it wouldn’t be me.

  Oh, you actually need me for something?

  He sounded so smug that I decided to drop it right there.

  No, go get the guitar. Let’s do this.

  “Come on, Avey,” Kyle said.

  I felt anger rising in Marcus like molten lava headed for the surface—and found myself walking to my bedroom to get the guitar. As I walked back to the living room, I asked Marcus, Why are you helping me when you hate Kyle?

  Oh, crap, what if he was setting me up? My throat went dry.

  Relax. I’ve got this. Trust me, Avery.

  Would I even be able to play after two glasses of wine? Kris turned the music off when I came back. The different conversations quieted as I sat on the couch and started to strum. Hopefully I looked calm because my heart was tapping out a staccato beat as I stared down at the guitar. So far, so good. Marcus played “Free Fallin’” by Tom Petty. It sounded like it was an easier song to play—good thinking on Marcus’s part.

  “Aren’t you going to sing
the words?” I heard someone ask off to the side. I didn’t look at him or answer. And I wasn’t going to sing, either.

  One song seemed plenty enough. I stood up, surprised that they clapped.

  “You don’t sing?” Jazz asked as a rap song suddenly blared out.

  “No … still working on the playing part,” I said, which seemed perfectly logical for a beginning player. Feeling my face turning red from the entire thing, I hurried back to my room to put the guitar away. That was enough of the spotlight for the entire year. I started talking to Marcus to thank him—thinking at him, I guess—when I realized Kyle was right behind me.

  “I had no idea you could play. That was cool, Ave.” He had to talk loud over the music, even back here, and managed to do it with a big Hollywood smile.

  No more Avey? Was that just for Kristina to hear?

  I stopped outside my bedroom. I did not want him in there. But that made me feel a bit trapped. “Thanks,” I said, keeping it simple. “I’m just going to put this away.” I held it up while nodding toward my room in case he couldn’t hear me. Good thing the neighboring houses weren’t too close—it also helped that they were rented by fellow students who partied on the weekends.

  I slinked into my room and hurried back out. Kyle had stepped back but was still lingering in the hallway. He’d been holding a cup before and handed it to me now.

  “A drink for the musician.” He leaned in to talk, smiling at me … and it felt like the smile he used to give me.

  “Thanks,” I managed. Was he making amends for before or making a move on me? Nervous as hell now, I slid past him.

  It wasn’t like I needed more to drink, but it did give me something to do with my hands as we returned to the party. I took a sip, watching him walk away, and wondered if the wine was making me think all these weird things.

  No. There’s something different about him tonight.

  Two couples were dancing—moving close together—so I went over to the counter and snacks, hoping to sop up some of the alcohol flooding my system. Yeah, I was feeling the wine. I should have paid more attention to how much Kyle poured for me.

  Or what he added. Shit, I can’t believe I didn’t think about that. Be careful, Ave.

  Jazz leaned toward me so I met her halfway.

  “What’s with Kyle tonight?” She gave me a conspirator look. So it wasn’t just Marcus and me that noticed. I glanced across the room at Kyle and instantly regretted it. He looked right back at me. I shook my head at Jazz, and a second later realized Kris might have seen the whole exchange. I turned my back to Kyle. “Weird. It just figures …”

  “What? Now that you and Nash are an item, Kyle’s getting flirty?”

  “Yeah,” I lied. I played with a nacho chip. I’d been thinking something else—now that Marcus was in my head, I was noticing other guys noticing me. But Kyle?

  “He likes playing games,” she said right next to my ear.

  I leaned back to give her a questioning look.

  “You know what I mean. He flirted with Kristina when you and him were together too. He thinks he’s some kind of king with his harem.”

  Whoa. So everyone saw him for what he was, except Kristina and me? I risked a look over my shoulder to see him grinning ear to ear with his buddies. Marcus was right; Kyle was totally going for a Tom Cruise look. Turning back to Jazz, I erupted into giggles.

  She reached to tip my cup her way and looked in. “He didn’t slip you anything, did he?”

  Instead of answering, I looked in the cup again and set it on the counter. Jazz grabbed it and dumped it out in the sink.

  “I’m keeping an eye on you tonight, girl.” She just about shouted the words.

  A face appeared between us—one of the guys I didn’t know—and he grinned.

  “Me too … dance with me.” He grabbed my hand before I could answer, or even before I could decide, for that matter. A new song started, the one that asks over and over, “Are you gonna spend the night?”

  Mr. Tall and Blond grinned about it as he pulled me to face him, his hands on my hips. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and grinned back at him. Why not have some fun? It’d keep Kyle away. He leaned close to say, “Jasper.”

  “Avery.”

  “I know. I’ve been watching you.”

  I laughed, probably because I’d been drinking. Apparently it’s attractive these days to tell people you stalk them. He might have even put that song on. It was someone’s MP3 player, after all, not the radio. We moved to the music and I let my mind go blank except for the beat and the feel of him moving with me. I could sense other people moving around us, like we were all a part of something together.

  Guess this guy doesn’t know about Nash.

  Oh—that’s why I’d been feeling separated from my friends and my life. Marcus. Stay gone! Let me have fun!

  Are you drunk?

  I leaned against Jasper. The room was dark and crowded enough that I didn’t think anyone would notice. Our bodies pressed together. I was dimly aware that his hands were roaming a bit. Why didn’t I care? Was I a little drunk?

  The song changed to something faster. Jasper stepped back and said something that I couldn’t hear. I felt a hand on my arm and turned, only to run into Kyle. I literally body bumped right into him and he caught me in his arms. I wasn’t sure if he’d meant to do it at first, but we started moving.

  “Just one dance!” he yelled, looking over my shoulder. I looked back to see Jasper nod at me, but I didn’t look long enough to tell if he cared about Kyle grabbing me.

  Wait—I was dancing with Kyle. I made a quick attempt to look around for Kristina but of course I couldn’t tell where she was with so many people dancing. Things were spinning and waving. Kyle pulled me against him and I rested my head on him, mostly because I wasn’t too stable on my feet. Still, even with my head all foggy, I felt all of him against me.

  Marcus? Where are you?

  I heard him talking but his voice mixed with the music. I felt his frustration but couldn’t figure things out. Kyle was talking in my ear too …

  “Why do you have to be so hot?”

  Did I hear that right? I lifted my head and found my mouth about in inch from his. I stepped back, bumping into someone. Jasper.

  I turned to him, away from Kyle, and yelled, “I need to sit down!”

  I think he said, “Done dancing?” on the way to the couch, where we all but fell together in the corner spot. I laughed too loudly at that, and it wasn’t even funny, and finally caught sight of Kristina. She was dancing with Kyle now, so maybe she had noticed all of that.

  Jasper’s hand on my leg brought me back to my here and now. I rolled my head to look at him.

  “I kinda have a boyfriend,” I said. Kinda because I wasn’t really sure where Nash and I stood with each other, but it was a commitment of some kind, and I didn’t date around while seeing someone.

  “You don’t seem to care too much. Why should I?” His hand slid higher up my thigh.

  “I do care.” I pushed his hand off my leg. “Dancing’s one thing, but …”

  He pushed off the couch, I think with a huff even though I couldn’t hear. Strange that Marcus hadn’t been here, throwing my fist around.

  Seemed like you handled that one on your own.

  Jasmine flopped on the couch next to me, but just long enough to say, “Dance with me!” She grabbed my hand and pulled me back to my feet. We threw our hands up in the air, getting into it. Jasper had someone new already, I noticed, so I didn’t break his heart.

  Kristina joined us, screaming, “Ladies rule!”

  We danced hard till someone turned down the music a while later. People were either leaving or sneaking off. Luckily everyone knows the one hard rule of our house is people stay out of my room.

  Jazz, Kris and I fell onto a couch, laughing, and then talking while the party wound down the rest of the way. I had no idea what time it was when Jazz yawned.

  “Yeah, I better get to bed
before I fall asleep here,” I said, trying to get up.

  Jazz moved too and I heard Kris say she’d get me. Kristina slung my arm over her shoulders and we started back toward my room. I called goodnight back to Jazz, trying to give her a look of thanks for watching out for me that night.

  Halfway down the hall, Kris started laughing.

  “You shoulda invited Nash over tonight … he could hold you while you’re sick.”

  “I am not going to be sick!” We reached my bed and both of us fell over. It took some rolling and wiggling but we ended up lying side by side, looking up at the ceiling in the near darkness, laughing.

  “Thanks for telling Kyle to be nice to me,” I said, which sobered me up in about a second. Why had I said that? Now she’d really wonder about things, if she saw us dancing. She mumbled something without lifting her head, sounding a bit drunk, but also like she wanted to avoid the topic.

  It was almost funny how quickly my buzz was going away.

  “Back when I was dating Kyle, did you like him?” I asked.

  It was utterly silent for a minute before I realized she was starting to cry.

  “You did?” I rolled to face her, surprised even after suspecting it. “Did you steal Kyle?”

  “I’m so sorry, Ave. I did. I did but I didn’t mean to. It just happened. He was so nice to me.” She stopped abruptly. A minute later, she said, “You have been mad at me all this time?”

  Told you, didn’t I?

  How could I answer her? I hadn’t expected to get it out of her so easily. Then again, it’d almost been entrapment, the way I asked when she was messed up. Maybe I didn’t need to ask in the first place, but my asking would make it hard for her to say anything about the way I’d acted tonight.

  The way Kyle acted, you mean. He was hitting on you, babe.

  “Who told you?” she asked, an edge to her voice.

  Marcus. Ha. Should I try explaining? I wanted to tell her about Marcus, I think, but not like this or right now.

  “I’m not exactly sure when or how, but I think I just saw it, in retrospect.”